Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
