Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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