did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want her autograph on my taint
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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