Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
