Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
