Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
