the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
