operation harelip BJ is a go
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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