'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
