you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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