Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
