I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
