she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
