she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
