just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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