when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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