I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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