I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
