There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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