Cold hands, warm shart.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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