And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
