I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
