I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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