I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
