There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
