god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
