..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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