you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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