I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
