Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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