i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
