There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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