I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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