Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
