420 ftw
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize