my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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