do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
