hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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