So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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