I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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