Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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