I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
