My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I don't deserve a penis
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize