I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
