wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
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