We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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