I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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