I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
