Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
