??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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