im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
