He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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