Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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