pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
