i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
