U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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