He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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