the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize