he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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