we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
