He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize