I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
