he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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