Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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