That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
