if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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