you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
