Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize