I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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