Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
